The Introvert-Convert

by Naila Sheikh


I recently read an article on how moms become introverts; setting themselves up for a 'household' life within the four walls of their home, raising their children. When I read the comments below, I was somehow shocked at the distasteful remarks on how a parent should take on a behavior of raising kids without complaining so much since having children was out of free will. From what I understood, the article never insinuated how awful or miserable "the character" felt about full-time parenting. On the contrary, I felt connected with the writer's insight on how lonely and sometimes heavy one can feel under this very beautifully blessed responsibility.

 

The feeling of loneliness isn't derived from sadness - it is the kind where you're so busy with your thoughts on what to do next, as a parent you actually prefer to do everything yourself due to 1) exhaustion and 2) not wanting to explain (yes, this includes your spouse/partner) so you end up being by yourself, thinking a whole LOT like Walter Mitty's crazy vivid fantasies, except for the fact that in the movie, Ben Stiller (Walter), imagines his courageous heroic pursuits, daydreaming in faraway destinations whilst in my imagination, I am merely 'zoning out' to clearly wrap my head around the things to do or the things I've forgotten, concerning everyday feedings and diaper changes.

 

So yeah. There you go. As for feeling 'heavy' as a mom - it is rather not in physical form (thank God!) as it is meant to be taken mentally. I wouldn't say that it's a burden, but it surely is a heaviness of an immense, humongous task that I will have to fulfill each and every day. I am happy my thoughts (and prayers) keep me afloat and I am able to enjoy the very little things as I wouldn't have it any different in life. I enjoy the warmth, the unconditional love and the touch of my babies whom I love so very much. I feel blessed knowing that God has made me a mother and that this time is to fully cherish them against my skin as they will soon grow up to be hopefully remarkable individuals and that I'll have to sneak in my kisses when they are 'zoned out' on their own busy tasks in life, inshAllah. I surely do miss my mother now...